When my mother got cancer last year, my whole world was shaken. To be honest, I didn´t think after my own cancer, that nothing could shake me so much. But it did! The idea of my mom not being, was just to much, and everytime I was even thinking about it, it brought tears to my eyes. I have for long time ago embraced my own mortality and even the idea of our children growing up without me, because I always got a lot of peace knowing, they have a wonderful dad. But selfish enough, I could not in anyway accept my own mother being sick.
For the same reason, I couldn´t really enjoy finding my Korean mother, because the last thing I wanted my mother or myself to feel, was that I replaced one mother with another.
One of the many times my mum flew from Denmark to London to help me with my kids during my cancer treatments last year.
When I meet people who tell me their parents has passed, but they try to almost apologize being sad it by saying: But they were old, so it were their time. Or "I didn´t speak much with them, so.." Oh dear, don´t feel bad about being devasted! Our parents are our Gods, a constant in our life, we maybe don´t always agree or understand what they are doing, but we love them, and we love knowing they are around for us, Is the place where we can feel safe, and the people we can relay on.
December 1980 I was send to the orphanage. Marts 81 - I meet my mum for the first time. She is strong, clever and brilliant, she is the one who always help. She have spend 8 weeks with me the last 12months. She walked 1 hour each way with Chloe in a pushchair when I had my sternum split. So I should´t be alone. I love my mother and grateful, that I became her daughter.
I remember for some time ago, I met with a friend on a cafe, her dad had passed some weeks before, and she says as side note: My dad passed, but after some time into our conversation, she stopped and said: "I have no dad, my dad is dead" It was such a heartbreaking moment, and then pain in her face accepting this new reality was devasting.
Please please, don´t feel you have to apologising for being sad or crushed when you loose a parent, mourn them as much as you need.